I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell (Bob Gosse, 2009)

Have no idea why I’ve downloaded this piece of shit in the first place. Probably found the title intriguing and somehow funny or (more likely) just because my dear Traci Lords is in it. 

There are many good reviews on IMDB and they will all explain why this is shit. Believe it, they are all right.

2/10

Death Watch (Bertrand Tavernier, 1980)

Romy Schneider is one of my screen goddesses if not THE goddess. So I was sure I've seen this flick before and didn't like it much because couldn't really remember much about it. So when IFI put on the restored version for three days over the weekend screenings and (of course) publicized it as "re-discovered" classics I couldn't stay away. Not that I buy any of that propaganda crap but it is such a rare occasion to see Romy on the big screen that it was just no question about going to see it. And besides it might be good, Tavernier certainly made some decent movies.

Now I'm surprised I didn't remember it but for all the wrong reasons. Its main idea about media exploitation and real time TV may be before its time but it is put together very naively. Maybe the problem is that director tries to tackle too many of "grand" issues instead of taking his time to tell story more slowly and maybe intimately. So we jump from one scene to another and from one genre to another and pretty soon everything becomes just a mess which is hard to follow.

The biggest flaw is cast which one would never expect from the names like Romy Schneider, Harvey Keitel, Harry Dean Stanton and Max von Sydow. They just don't function, maybe because of poor dialogs written in some artificial language nobody in the real word speaks. The "weakest link" without the doubt is Keitel who seems to be totally lost and has zero chemistry with Schneider. His (famous NYC character?) acting is totally over the top and it reaches its idiotic peak at the end. He is blind and while sitting at the table he keeps shaking his head like an cretin. Hilarious but also painful to watch.

It has few good things too. Like gloomy suburbs of Glasgow and landscapes of Scottish coasts are beautifully shot and music during latter is not bad at all. And check out the poster! Really fuckin cool right!?!

But I'll of course remember it for "my" Romy. This was one of her last movies and seeing her playing the role of terminally ill woman brings back even more feelings of melancholia and sadness. What a babe she was and what a shame she died so young.

4/10

Tamara Drewe (Stephen Frears, 2010)

I'm a big fan of Frears and Sammy and Rosie Get Laid will always be on my top 10. But this was a big disappointment I'm afraid. And after watching recent Loach it just seems that another of the old masters is loosing his touch.

It starts okay with always good Teorema premise about the stranger coming into closed community and fucking up their already fucked up relationships. But this just isn't Miike's Visitor Q I'm afraid. Community in question here is a bunch of middle class writers (I hate movies about middle class intellectuals) living in English countryside (I also hate movies taking place in the countryside in general).

But sometimes in the middle this sleeper takes another direction, more into romantic comedy type of shit. Because you have bunch of people of all ages, genders and occupations fucking and deceiving each other and in the middle of all this there are our two innocent main protagonist and it is so clear they were "made for each other". And - voila! - after some drama we get our happy end.

It's just a typical feminine romantic crap made for women, there's not much of Frears there. If you want to see seriously critical stuff about bored, too rich and artificial middle class "struggling" go see recent Mike Leigh's masterpiece Another Year. If you want to see bitter-sweet English comedy there are endless choices of great stuff starting with Frears's own Snapper, Van and so on. And if you just want to see some mindless romantic comedy, go for H'Wood crappy stuff. Those movies too have usually good looking young and fresh actress like Gemma Arterton undoubtedly is. But she alone is just not enough to save this almost two hours long more or less pointless movie.

3/10

Red Blooded American Girl (David Blyth, 1990)

This movie starts the best possible way - with a hot naked chick lying on the bad with camera slowly zooming on to her. She then lights a cigarette and says something about how horny she still is. Very good!

It gets better because her lover is Kim Coates. Kim Who? you may ask. He is a Kim "mean bad guy who gets his ass kicked" Coates from zillion of good bad movies. But he's not really a star in this one because in the next scene we see Andrew Stevens. And you surely DO know him, right? He starred in zillion of those Jim Wynorski "erotic thrillers" with likes of Shannon Whirry/Tweed. So I was a bit surprised to see Christoper Plummer joining this duo of B movies mega-stars.

But these guys are all overshadowed by the hot and sexy Heather Thomas. She's really cool and seems to have lots of fun doing this movie. Some of the faces she's making are hilarious and right on the spot with the cheesiness of this flick. Must admit I had no idea who she was so I checked her filmography on IMDB. She has done mostly TV work for which I don't give a shit, but there is a flick however that sounds interesting. It's called Cyclone and her co-star is none other than Jeffrey "Re-Animator" Combs and I'm putting it on my to-do list!

Story is cool, it's a fresh approach to vampire genre. So who is who? Christopher Plummer is a mad scientist/vampire that needs a cure, Kim Coates is his horny and a bit crazed assistant, Andrew Stevens is scientist (hehe) and Mrs. Thomas is damsel in distress. It's not boring and it is moving forward pretty fast and straightforward with some memorable scenes like really erotic one with Mrs Tomas in the kitchen. And I particularly liked the ending because it doesn't follow this usual pattern of high action pursuit with mandatory slaying of the master vampire. Instead we get happy ending with everyone still live (for eternity of course).

The biggest flaw is the screenplay. Although some of the dialogues are pretty cool and funny, most of the scenes are totally disjointed and they don't make much sense so movie lacks some steady flow and pace. Direction is okay although some scenes definitely left me unsatisfied, especially one in body building gym! It has lots of potential (more blood!!!) but doesn't deliver anything special. Also erotic scene at the end sucks, they should/could use some advice from Andrew! There are usual continuity problems (day and night overlapping, raining on one side of the car while she is completely dry on the other) but what the hell. Things like that make movies like this such a fun to watch.

6/10

Jjakpae aka The City of Violence (Seung-wan Ryoo, 2006)

Somehow classic story about broken friendship and betrayed loyalty told in action style. Although is sounds familiar it doesn't really tries to copy John Woo and has its own aesthetic and fight choreography.

6/10

Tae-poong aka Typhoon (Kyung-Taek Kwak, 2005)

Good action/drama flick about modern terrorists in Korea. Maybe a bit too long but not boring at all since there's lots of shit going on.

Liked a gloomy dark atmosphere and the fact that main characters are not stereotyped. The whole cast did a good job, especially actress who played bad guy's elder sister was impressive.

6/10

Tourist Trap (David Schmoeller, 1979)

Nice old-skool slasher, it falls into "mad scientist" category.

It's a bit above average because of its dark atmosphere and good suspense but could certainly use a bit more gruesome killings.

But in any case, it was nice to see Tanya Roberts running around in her short jeans for one hour. What a babe she was!

5/10

Alien 3 (David Fincher, 1992)

By far the best one of the sequels and – I know it’s a blasphemy – in some ways even better than original one! It has that old and gritty and warned-out feeling that first one captured so well and we all love (fuck that high techno CGI Cameron’s action shit!). It gets even better with claustrophobic shots of shafts and corridors chases with creature’s POV camera works.

It does start a bit slowly but we are rewarded for our waiting with the best scene of the movie. It’s at the funeral when Dillon is giving “ashes to ashes” speech and simultaneously alien rips apart that poor dog. It’s simply brilliant and it reminded me somehow about ending of the first Godfather.

Then it turns into action/slasher and most of the killings are great and gory enough, especially for high budget Hollywood blockbuster. First massacre is my favorite following by sneaky dispatching of Pete Postlethwaite. He didn’t see it coming at all!

Action is masterfully intertwined with Ripley’s “motherhood” story and this gives movie really cool tone. One of the convicts has a remark about her not being married and having children and – voila – next thing you know she carries an embryo. I wonder if pro-life fanatics would change their attitude after seeing this masterpiece. Or maybe not – she does end up in the lake of fire, doesn’t she? In any case - that "close up" of Ripley and alien is gotta be one of the coolest shots in the film history!

So good to see it after a while, cannot believe it’s been 20 years already. It hasn’t aged a bit, it’s still flawless! 

And such a shame about David Fincher - after this one he made one more masterpiece in Se7en and then sadly disappeared from my radar.

9/10

Himizu (Shion Sono, 2011)

Cold Fish and Guilty of Romance were among my last year’s favorite movies and I was really looking forward to seeing his new one. This is not as crazy as hate trilogy (nothing really is) but it is still quality.

It's centered around this kid who is left by his parents and spends his time in some cottage on the shore surrounded by other people left homeless after that tsunami disaster. His friend Keiko who comes from even more fucked up home falls in love with him and tries to help him out but he keep rejecting her.

Main theme (I think) is problem of future-less youth in Japan. It's told in Shion Sono's signature way with lots of violence, screaming, arty camera work and occasional undecipherable dialogues.

Will probably see it again when it comes out on DVD.

7/10

Killer Joe (William Friedkin, 2011)

Ok, Friedkin's most well known movies are French Connection and Exorcist but my favorite one was To Live and Die in LA. Total masterpiece and 3rd on my all-time police corruption list, after Gangsters and Police.

That was until I saw this nasty masterpiece. It is of course movie of the year, there's no question about it. I cannot see it possible that anytime soon something as good as this will come out. Btw - last time I've said that and needed to correct myself was in 1995 after seeing Se7en and shortly after seeing Ususal Suspects. But I'm digressing again. Let's finally go to Joe.

It's main theme is violence. And not in arty-farty way of some psychological inner struggles or shit like that. It is simply aggressive and violent and dirty movie that I think doesn't even try to entertain. But amazingly is not exploitative (not for the most part anyways) and Friedkin uses violence just as another tool for driving the story. Good example of this are both killings which are not even shown. Which btw once again proves that images can be more horrifying if they are left to viewer to imagine and interpret. Skillful director certainly doesn't need gallons of CGI-ed blood... Pure fucking Violence is also used for finally establishing Joe as total psychopath. McConaughey was great through entire film but didn't really cross that final line of insanity. So when KFC box was opened we knew he was a real deal.

Basically just everything works here, from the story to the direction and the cast. Juno Temple as Dottie is certainly discovery and it was great to see Gina Gershon again. Fell in love with her when I saw her in  Bound.

Required multiple viewing, can't wait to get it on DVD with hopefully Friedkin's commnetary.

10/10

Alex Higgins - The Peoples Champion

Pretty standard, talking heads type BBC documentary about enfant terrible of snooker. If you're fan of the game, you have probably already seen it. Otherwise I encourage you to check it out because guy was really and truly insane.

And make sure you have few cans of Guinness in the fridge!

6/10