Conan the Barbarian (Marcus Nispel, 2011)

According to IMDB Marcus Nispel started his career by doing video clips for Billy Joel, Janet Jackson, George Michael and likes. And his first feature film being that horrendous piece of shit remake of mighty Texas Chainsaw Massacre I didn't expect much from this. Was in fact even reluctant to check it out since Conan used to be my favorite comic book hero.

So I was surprised that it is actually watchable although far from being good. Cannot really define good parts, but bad ones are obvious:

1. It's too long. And one of the reasons for being too long is because it spends half an hour introducing the main character. We don't need this, we know who Conan is.
2. Story is too disjointed. It actually feels like watching some kid playing a video game and going through various levels. 
3. This Momoa guy just doesn't cut it for me as my favorite Cimmerian. But on the other hand I have no idea who would fill this role better.
4. It's too graphic. It's not of course that I don't like violence but that CGI blood is (once more) ridiculous.
5. It should be masculine movie but both of our leading ladies totally steal the show from their muscular co-stars colleagues. Rose McGowan is weird as usual and Rachel Nichols is cool too just by not being some whining damsel in distress. Btw - she was great in that little masterpiece P2.

And this is really all that I remember watching this. When I'm going to take my little nephew to see Conan it will be definitely Milius' one with Arnie.

5/10